Does your bedtime ritual include sex time or just TV time? Law and Order SVU and even the laughs of Seth Myers are not going to "get you there..." as the saying goes. Perhaps it's time to check in with Miriam Baker, our sex expert in order to re-discover the simple pleasures of a real sex life.
TV, SEX, Bedtime
Of course using the TV at bedtime is a way to avoid sex.
What really matters here is the fantasy about sex that TV creates that makes your sex life troubled.
Lying in bed watching TV in any form makes you a voyeur not a participant.
It is all about the conflict between passive and active behavior.
Fantasy takes us out of the present and sets the base high for expectation,
meaning this is a perpetuating cycle that creates sexual avoidance.
The sex that is portrayed on TV is now a version of soft porn that elevates your dopamine. It creates a touchstone for your fantasy life, rendering you in passive pleasure mode.
In the present, the person you are sharing a bed with becomes a distant object.
Some people are happy to stay in this soothing state.
If you shut the TV off, you may be now in a state of arousal from dopamine but your expectation of how sex is in reality will be sharply affected.
Yes, you might now get sex done but many are left feeling disconnected.
People come to Sex Therapy speaking about the problem of sex being unsatisfying or nonexistent.
TV can lull you into the wasteland of no sex, curiously without the feeling of need or desire for it in your reality.
Bedtime behaviors can give you a clue.
If you can’t wait to jump into bed to watch TV, it is a ritual you might want to rethink.