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Sex and Nagging. Part I

Miriam and Nyiri are colleagues, friends and great collaborators for Bedtime Network.  They're back this week with a two part symphony on nagging - a not very melodious sound.  Are you guilty?

Nagging is defined as, “annoying someone with constant scolding, complaining or urging, or finding constant fault.”

Doing this about sex is a problem; doing this in general will mess up your chances for sex.

Do people really nag each other about sex?

Yes they do.

Both Men and Women nag each other equally about sex.

Not having it enough, not having the kind of sex you want, not doing what you have asked for, etc. and the list goes on.

Why do people use this nagging behavior?

Frustration and Intolerance.

Underneath those feelings is helplessness about communication.

It’s not that sex should be spontaneous; not asked for or planned.  It’s the tone of nagging and helplessness that turns people off.

Being critical of your partner sexually is usually a symptom of an underlying need or wish.

When it comes to talking about sex and being direct about what you feel and want, nagging may be a cover up behavior for shame.

Nagging is simply a feeling of being upset.

Being upset about sex is very common and weighs people down.

Nagging is the behavior of trying to displace the upset feelings.

Ironically it is one of the behaviors that will sabotage getting what you want from sex.