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Relationship Not Soaring Due To Snoring?

Why don’t I remember his snoring in the beginning of our relationship? Why can some people tolerate their partner’s snoring and others cannot? IF you think it has to do with your hearing, forget it. Sensitivity to our sleeping partners has everything to do with how we feel about them and the boundaries in the relationship.


First, for the sake of science, let’s review. Most snoring has a physiological basis. Some such causes are being overweight, smoking, alcohol use, aging, asthma, allergies and overeating before bedtime. A very large number of cases arise from the more serious problem known as sleep apnea. This requires medical attention. A lack of good, quality-sleep pervades your health and lifestyle, as well as your relationship.

If you are a snorer or sleep with a snorer, you know what life sounds like. People in fact can describe their partner’s snoring down to the note. “A saw going through my head,” “a train in the room,” “a hippo at the watering hole”--- shall I go on? These are sounds you never want to make around the person you love in your waking life!

Ever listen to someone describe how their partner snores? Don’t they sound angry? They are angry because they feel exhausted and resentful and are dealing with fatigue and irritability throughout the day.

All the techniques employed in the middle of the night fall short. The person who snores feels hurt and rejected by the one who does not. The person who sleeps with a snorer feels that it is being done to them on purpose. Then, of course, there are those who never admit they snore. There is a persecutory aspect to the whole experience. The threat of sleeping in another room or couch to get a good night’s rest often looms, or is actualized.

Yet on the other hand, there are those who go out to dinner with friends and have this discussion where one couple inevitably laughs and says, “yeah she snores, it’s funny and cute.”

In situations where snoring is not addressed as a problem for the couple, the relationship, “suffocates.” A power struggle ensues and someone is left outside in the cold. Solutions for the snoring problem may vary, but explanations for how it is ruining your relationship are simple. Communicate and work together without blame. Explore the possible remedies together, particularly with all the medical information available on the causes of snoring.

You will both have a better night’s sleep.